I am an Adult??

So, In the last nine months since I've updated... 

Hippos and Blankets Happened for kids at Royal Oak Beaumont Hospital

 

I Graduated from Nursing School

Florence Nightingale Lamp

My Cap, Featuring Baymax... Because I am a Healthcare Robot too.

 

 

 

 

 

My official Grad Pic. 

I Got a Job as a Nurse... Working Midnights...

I created a Fairy Garden.

And I got a Townhouse with Bruce...

Living Room

Living Room

Craft Room

Craft Room

My Walk In Closet

Bedroom

Bedroom. Can you guess which side Bruce sleeps on?

And Bruce Is now attending my Alma Mater.... God... 

So, I guess what I'm saying is I somehow became an adult in the last nine months... What the hell??? I have no clue how it happened, but it did. I still sometimes can't quite believe it happened. Like seriously... I am just going to go to work everyday for the foreseeable future... I don't have classes to attend? When did I become responsible, at what point did I become an adult? And How? How Did I Get Here??

Winter Blues

Winter is a time where we get together for the holidays, we see loved ones, we give to charities, and where we stay inside because it's too flippin cold to do anything outside. I'm in Michigan, and it is absolutely freezing. The days are grey, the snow is white, the roads are brown/grey slush, and it is freezing.

For me, the holidays are fun, if stress inducing. You see the people you love, you spend time together, there's just a warm cozy feeling. Then, shortly after the first of the year, everyone becomes a hermit.... You don't go outside unless you absolutely must, you wait until there is an obscene amount of cans and bottles laying around the garage to return them (so many that they don't fit in the trunk of your coupe, and so you say"I'll make another trip" and then you don't because "gosh it's so cold, they can wait." and now it's gotten obscene again) and you don't return the cans and bottles until you have to go to the bank, or get a haircut (but that doesn't seem entirely necessary either, you can wait til spring, right?) or some other thing happens where you can't justify staying in any longer. Then you trudge out into the snow and ice, and get going. You drive around, make the necessary stops, and arrive back home with a feeling of accomplishment. You feel better, less depressed. You make plans for the next day, and then wake up the next morning and go..."oh... it's cold... I'm not going out today" and then you stay in for a week, before deciding that enough is enough and you go out and return those bottles and cans... or maybe not....

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have an issue getting myself to do anything during the winter, post-holidays, and I get depressed. And that sucks. I wanna go out and build snowmen, and make forts, and have snowball fights... I wanna!! But I'm just too... depressed, I guess, to go out and do it. Does anyone else have that problem??? How do you make yourself do things like life in general when you don't want to???

Thanks,
Brooke

What Is Going On

So... I have been off the internet a bunch in the past few months... A bunch of stuff has been happening in my life, and I need to just put it out there without having the people I love tell me what is right and what is wrong....

Bruce and I have been dating since the end of last December. I moved in with him on October 19th. We're living with his parents at the moment, and they are wonderful lovely people, who by all accounts seem to adore me. We're looking at buying a house together, and we couldn't be happier with each other.

Our room is an absolute disaster, I'm sitting on the floor as I type this, and... well, I'll just give you a visual of the mess...

Hello!

Honestly, I've cleaned it up quite a bit.... but there's still a long way to go. ( and that's only a quarter f the room... you should see the rest.) I'm actually supposed to be cleaning right now, but I have ADD and my meds haven't quite kicked in yet. (It's not that I'm avoiding the cleaning.... Nope. Not at all.)

Anyhow, my parents are angry I've moved out, they're mad that I'm dating Bruce, they're just all around mad. My mother is furious with my dad's parents for wanting to get to know Bruce, and has pretty much cut them out of her life, for which I feel terrible, but she has to realize that she doesn't control anyone's life but her own, and she can't. Bruce isn't a bad guy, he's actually the best guy I've dated. He loves and adores me, but also respects me and treats me as an equal, not something to be put on a pedestal and elevated to impossible heights, but also not as a fragile china doll. He knows I am capable of doing things, and respects that, and that's one reason why I love him.

Over the past year I've come to realize that the only things I can control are my own actions, and how I react to the things other people do. My mom has done some things this past year for which I was furious with her about, however I have forgiven her. I just hope that in time she learns to do the same. I wish things were different, and I wish that I could change them, but another thing I've realized is that I am not responsible for the actions of those around me, nor am I responsible for the happiness of those around me. I am only one person, I can't do everything for everyone else, and be happy myself. The best I can do is to do things that will make me happy and try to please others. Which is not to say that I don't do things for other people, I do, but I am no longer making myself a martyr for those around me. I have realized that I have to stop sacrificing my own happiness and self worth for everyone else, because then I am unhappy. There is a balance to all things and I've found my way to that balance. It is hectic and stressful and sometimes makes me freak out, but I'm becoming a better, happier person, and that is what life is really all about.

And so, I'll update when I can, with whatever I can. I hope you understand.

Happy Holidays Everyone.

Brooke

Fifteen things.

There's a thing on Facebook where someone gives you a number and you have to say that many things about yourself that most people don't know... This is my list.

My number is 15 I am supposed to tell you 15 things about me that you may or may not know. If you like or comment I will give you a number if you haven't been given one yet.

1. I work 4 jobs.
2. I have ADD and Depression
3. I love to read when I have free time.
4. I'm terrible at cleaning.
5. I'm fairly crafty.
6. I like to sew, and can make a stuffed hippo in under 3 hours.
7. I may look like I know what I'm doing, but I honestly have no clue 99% of the time.
8. Many people think I have my life together, but I don't.
9. I love kids.
10. People asking me questions makes me feel anxious.
11. I may not look like I care what anyone thinks of me, but I really do.
12. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the people in my life.
13. I hide my insecurities behind a curtain of Bravado and false confidence.
14. I have a morbid sense of humor.
15. I'm a coward.

 In doing this I realized that I've been fooling myself about things as much as I've been fooling other people. It's funny how when after a period of time of acting a certain way for the rest of the world to see you start to forget that you're only pretending, how you're somehow able to convince yourself that everything is ok, and you're perfectly fine. How you're able to lie to yourself so convincingly that you don't question it unless you actually do some inner reflection.

 I don't feel like a fraud, but I do know that I'm not actually the person I appear to be from the outside looking in.