Do You Know My Name?

So, A couple nights ago I had this dream that Bruce was calling me by my mother's name, and some other name I no longer remember. I woke up, and woke Bruce up out of a dead sleep and said "Do you know what my name is?" and it took him a second, and he goes "Brooke?" and I go "You keep calling me by my mother's name." And after a few more seconds he goes "Melissa?" and I go "Yeah, and InsertOtherNameHere."and then without even thinking about it he goes "Oh. I'm sorry." And we go back to sleep.

The next morning I'm on my way to my final clinical evaluation and the above scenario just popped into my head... And I was like... Did that actually happen? That's weird... And then I forget about it. And then after my eval, (I got a 3.8 in my psych clinical for those of you who care) Bruce texts me to see if I want to grab lunch with him. So I head over to a restaurant by his work and grab a table. He comes in and sits down and we start chatting about our respective days, and after I tell him about my clinical eval the weirdness from the night before pops into my head again. So I ask him, "Did I wake you up last night?" And he goes "Oh thank God. I'm not going crazy. I was sitting at my desk today thinking about how weird a dream that was for me to be having." And then we burst into laughter. And I go "The best part of that is that you apologized." And he goes, "Well, That goes to show you, even in my sleep I still believe that you can be right, or you can be happy."

And since then it has led to a lot of harassing and facebook conversations like this...

Winter Blues

Winter is a time where we get together for the holidays, we see loved ones, we give to charities, and where we stay inside because it's too flippin cold to do anything outside. I'm in Michigan, and it is absolutely freezing. The days are grey, the snow is white, the roads are brown/grey slush, and it is freezing.

For me, the holidays are fun, if stress inducing. You see the people you love, you spend time together, there's just a warm cozy feeling. Then, shortly after the first of the year, everyone becomes a hermit.... You don't go outside unless you absolutely must, you wait until there is an obscene amount of cans and bottles laying around the garage to return them (so many that they don't fit in the trunk of your coupe, and so you say"I'll make another trip" and then you don't because "gosh it's so cold, they can wait." and now it's gotten obscene again) and you don't return the cans and bottles until you have to go to the bank, or get a haircut (but that doesn't seem entirely necessary either, you can wait til spring, right?) or some other thing happens where you can't justify staying in any longer. Then you trudge out into the snow and ice, and get going. You drive around, make the necessary stops, and arrive back home with a feeling of accomplishment. You feel better, less depressed. You make plans for the next day, and then wake up the next morning and go..."oh... it's cold... I'm not going out today" and then you stay in for a week, before deciding that enough is enough and you go out and return those bottles and cans... or maybe not....

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have an issue getting myself to do anything during the winter, post-holidays, and I get depressed. And that sucks. I wanna go out and build snowmen, and make forts, and have snowball fights... I wanna!! But I'm just too... depressed, I guess, to go out and do it. Does anyone else have that problem??? How do you make yourself do things like life in general when you don't want to???

Thanks,
Brooke

What Is Going On

So... I have been off the internet a bunch in the past few months... A bunch of stuff has been happening in my life, and I need to just put it out there without having the people I love tell me what is right and what is wrong....

Bruce and I have been dating since the end of last December. I moved in with him on October 19th. We're living with his parents at the moment, and they are wonderful lovely people, who by all accounts seem to adore me. We're looking at buying a house together, and we couldn't be happier with each other.

Our room is an absolute disaster, I'm sitting on the floor as I type this, and... well, I'll just give you a visual of the mess...

Hello!

Honestly, I've cleaned it up quite a bit.... but there's still a long way to go. ( and that's only a quarter f the room... you should see the rest.) I'm actually supposed to be cleaning right now, but I have ADD and my meds haven't quite kicked in yet. (It's not that I'm avoiding the cleaning.... Nope. Not at all.)

Anyhow, my parents are angry I've moved out, they're mad that I'm dating Bruce, they're just all around mad. My mother is furious with my dad's parents for wanting to get to know Bruce, and has pretty much cut them out of her life, for which I feel terrible, but she has to realize that she doesn't control anyone's life but her own, and she can't. Bruce isn't a bad guy, he's actually the best guy I've dated. He loves and adores me, but also respects me and treats me as an equal, not something to be put on a pedestal and elevated to impossible heights, but also not as a fragile china doll. He knows I am capable of doing things, and respects that, and that's one reason why I love him.

Over the past year I've come to realize that the only things I can control are my own actions, and how I react to the things other people do. My mom has done some things this past year for which I was furious with her about, however I have forgiven her. I just hope that in time she learns to do the same. I wish things were different, and I wish that I could change them, but another thing I've realized is that I am not responsible for the actions of those around me, nor am I responsible for the happiness of those around me. I am only one person, I can't do everything for everyone else, and be happy myself. The best I can do is to do things that will make me happy and try to please others. Which is not to say that I don't do things for other people, I do, but I am no longer making myself a martyr for those around me. I have realized that I have to stop sacrificing my own happiness and self worth for everyone else, because then I am unhappy. There is a balance to all things and I've found my way to that balance. It is hectic and stressful and sometimes makes me freak out, but I'm becoming a better, happier person, and that is what life is really all about.

And so, I'll update when I can, with whatever I can. I hope you understand.

Happy Holidays Everyone.

Brooke

Teaser

This is a Teaser for an upcoming post that I'm working on...

My friend is in orange, Bruce is blue... I didn't feel like typing "friend' over and over....

My own Wonderland... Part 2

(This was intended to be longer, but I'm out of steam right now... I'll most likely update it at some point when I have the energy/time but for now here is my post.)

This is part 2 of my love affair with Alice in Wonderland. To read Part 1, go here: CLICK ME!!!
In the following years I visited Disneyworld very frequently still. And I always rode the teacups. Even though my favorite ride ever since I've been big enough to get on it (which I was by the time I was 2 and a half) is Big Thunder Mountain, the teacups are very special to me.

When I was 14 I got to go to Tokyo Disneyland. And guess what they have there too?!?!

If you guessed Spinning Teacups, You are Correct!!!
If you guessed something else... well it depends on what you guessed, but you're probably not wrong...
they had a lot of stuff.

They were fun, but unlike Paris Disney they didn't have anything Alice themed, really. They did however have an Ariel themed area which was neat. Alice was featured in their 20 years o Dreams parade though.

We were there for the 20th anniversary, which I had forgotten til I saw this picture.

Between Tokyo and now I have been to Disney World several more times, and it has been super fun. However, last summer we went to Disneyland again, and it was AWESOME!
And I rode the teacups again!

Yes, I am 21... On a small children's ride.
Deal with it.

And at California Adventure they have the MAD T PARTY!!! Which is basically a Disney version of a nightclub/rave type deal-io .

 It was pretty awesome. I went to it every night we were there.

 Alice's Outfit is the inspiration for the Halloween costume I'm making for this year...And I'm making Bruce a Mad Hatter costume very very loosely based on the show costume.... However there have been some hiccups in the process, so I'm not sure if they'll be completed this year or not... If not then I'll definitely have them done by next year. :P If you wanna check out the costumes CLICK HERE!

I have completed the corset for the most part at this point, I just don't have a photo of it right now. Maybe I'll take some and make an updated post. Who knows... Life has gotten crazier, there will be a post as to why after it's all over, but the happy news is Bruce and I are happy together and we're taking steps to secure our future.  Hope you're doing well.

Brooke

Holy hell... It's been a crazy month

So, I started school this month. I also started clinicals. My first 7 weeks is in Labor and Delivery, my second 7 weeks is in Pediatrics. I got to see a baby being born on the 20th. It was awesome... right up until the moment after dad cut the umbilical cord... Everybody gather 'round, let me tell you a story...

It is 0720 (that's 7:20 AM for those of you not used to military time which is used in the medical field as well) and I and the other 6 people in my clinical group are gathered around our instructor who is looking for appropriate assignments for us. I say "I'd like to see a labor." and my instructor goes, "Ok, but there's an orientee with the nurse in one of the ongoing labors do you mind not having a partner?"and I go "Nope not at all." and so by 7:35 we all get assigned rooms. My instructor tells me to wait outside my room because the nurse is in there with the patient right then, and I needed to double check that she was ok with me being there. So I'm standing outside the door and I hear "OK. We're gonna start pushing." and my mind goes "OH! I should be in there right now!" and so I knock and the nurse comes to the door, and I go "Hi, I'm Brooke, I'm a nursing student and I've been assigned to this room." (notice how I didn't give her a choice about whether or not I was there...) And she goes "Oh, ok, Come on in. You can help dad support mom's leg." So I go to the far side of the bed, and I help dad support mom's leg. The nurse is coaching the mother from the end of the bed.
Nurse: "Ok give me a big push"
Mom: "Urgggghhhh..."
Nurse: "I can feel his head, gimme another push."
Mom: *inhales deeply* "Uuuugggghhhh"
Nurse: "He's crowning, take a few deep breaths and then give me another big push."
Mom: *breathes for about 10 seconds* "Uhhhng"
*baby's head pops out*
Nurse: "We've got a head! Take a break for a little while."
Me: "You're doing great mom!"
Nurse: "Are you ready?"
Mom: "Uh-huh"
Nurse: "Ok, gimme a big push"
Mom: *squeaks*
*baby's arm shoots out like it's trying to get the teacher to pick him in class*
Nurse: "Great! One more big push and we'll have a baby."
Mom: *groans and pushes*
*baby shoots out*

Inside my head I'm like, "That was so cool!" and "Why the hell did I talk?" and "Oh my god there's a baby here that wasn't here 3 minutes ago!". And then I was asked to hand dad the scissors to cut the umbilical cord. And that was cool. I was like "Hey, I'm getting to be an active participant in this baby's first few minutes." And dad's hand is a little shaky, but he cuts the cord, and the baby takes it's first breath and begins to cry. And it is amazing and magical and astounding. And then I looked at mom...

GRAPHIC DETAILS TO FOLLOW!!! (THOSE WITH ACTIVE IMAGINATIONS AND WEAK STOMACHS MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS)

Big Mistake. Now, to clarify, I knew bleeding was a natural part of childbirth, and I'm familiar with periods, and I've seen a head wound (which for those of you who don't know, bleeds like a sonovabitch) and I have had no problems. Last summer I sliced the back of my hand open down to the bone, and I was looking at the bone and muscle and fat tissues and how the muscle slid over the bone the entire ride to the Urgent care clinic to get stitched up. So, I have no issue with blood and insides of people.

However, while I expected blood, I did not expect as much blood as there was. A few seconds after the cord was cut the placenta detached from the uterus. And the placenta is stuck to the uterus by many many blood vessels. So, when it detached blood started to pour out of the vaginal opening. Like a bright red waterfall. and inside my head I'm going "OH god. She is gonna bleed out right in front of me. Why is nobody else freaking out? This cannot be normal." And I began to feel dizzy... So I backed away from the bed and sat down. The nurse asked me if I was ok, and I was all "Yeah, I'm fine." and inside my head I'm going, "YOU WILL NOT PASS OUT. YOU WILL NOT PASS OUT!" I watched the placenta get delivered, and then.... Nothing.

The next thing I know, everything is black and the nurse is slapping my upper arms.
Nurse: Brooke... Brooke! Can you hear me?
Me: Yeah...
Nurse: Ok good, Stay with me.
Me: ...
Nurse: Brooke! Stay with me... Keep talking to me.
Me: uhhh... Ok... *inside my head   "What the hell do you want me to say??? Also, WHY CAN'T I SEE??? ARE MY EYES EVEN OPEN?"*
Nurse: Keep talking to me.
Me: Ok. I can hear you.
Nurse: Ok, We're going to scoot you over and lay you down"
Me: Ok. *grab bench with hands and slide myself over*  *inside my head "Wait... I'm still sitting up? Bonus points for me!"*
Nurse: I'm going to grab your shoulders and guide you down. *does so*

So now I'm laying down and I hear,
Nurse: Did somebody get her instructor? Her color is coming back.
And then I end up getting my vision back just as my instructor walks in... *facepalm*
Instructor: So, How're you feeling?
Me: I'm alright. *inside my head "I'm laying down and people are standing over me, how do you think I'm doing???"* 

AND THAT, Kids, is the story of the first birth I saw. I did end up taking care of the mom and her newborn for the rest of the day, and the family was pretty good natured about it. :P
I Have other things to report, but that's enough for today. I'll have more time to update next week.

Brooke

Something I'm working on in the (little) spare time I have.

I realize this may not be the most interesting thing to a lot of you, but it's what I'm doing right now, and since I haven't posted in a while, I feel like I should, and this is as good as anything else I could do right now. I'm making a photobook on Shutterfly for Bruce, to give to him on sweetest day. (Which is a holiday I vehemently oppose... It's a freaking manufactured holiday because there was a downward trend in sales one year... It's a Hallmark holiday... But, Bruce likes the idea, so, I'll participate.)

Anyhow, It's a book of the time we've been dating, and how we came to be dating. And this is a couple pages worth of writing I've done in it... Feel free to tell me if it sucks.

"So, how did we start dating?

   There was the possibility that I was going to move away I told you about it, and the next day,  we were hanging out, just doing what we usually did. We got food, we saw a movie, and then on the way back, you told me you wanted to date me. I was shocked. You were my best friend. You knew how weird I was, and why in the world would you want to date me? However I did like you, and we got along very well.

   Unfortunately I was in another relationship, and even though it wasn't going well, I couldn't just jump ship. So, we agreed that if in the future, if we were both single, and interested in each other still, we'd give it a shot.

   One week later, we went to the Maker's Faire at the Henry Ford Museum. Emily came with us, just to keep things from being awkward. Not that they weren't. I tried to set you up with jailbait, you flirted with a robotics team.

   For the rest of the summer I tried to set you up with various friends of mine, and it didn't work out... But as it turns out, that was for the best.

Our first date was Thursday, December 27th 2012. I remember being ridiculously nervous beforehand. The night before Amanda came over and helped me pick out an outfit. I actually spent about an hour getting ready beforehand... I even did my hair. (Which is a rarity as you well know.) I must have texted Amanda thirty times in the 2 hours before our date... She kept reassuring me everything would be fine, and that it would all work out.

I remember being so ridiculously nervous when you finally picked me up, I felt so awkward. I remember giving you a super quick hug hello, and then thinking 'Was that ok? Should I have hugged him longer? Should I have not hugged him? What the hell am I doing????' 

   On the way to dinner I think we talked a bit, but I don't really remember... I do remember thinking about how we were best friends and now we were on a date and if things didn't work, could we still be friends, and so on and so forth. When we got to the restaurant we started talking more, and then things got awkward again, because we already knew all of the things about each other that you would normally find out on a first date. Then we talked about how we didn't really have anything to talk about, because we knew everything about each other, and bitching about our significant others was off the table, because we didn't have any...

   After dinner when we were walking back to your car, I remember you looking at me and saying something along the lines of "One of us has to do something or this is going nowhere" and sticking out your hand for me to hold. I recall feeling anxious about it, and then somewhat giddy once our hands actually connected. It wasn't as though we had never touched each other before, but this time was different. I won't lie and say I felt some magical spark, but what I will say is that I felt happy for the first time in a long time. While we were walking I remember you enthusing about your new underwear, and how comfortable it was, which made me laugh, and I recall thinking that maybe things wouldn't be so awkward all the time. You opened the car door for me before walking around to the other side and opening your own door. I remember being surprised because nobody had done that for me before.

   We headed to the bowling alley, on the way I made fun of your projectile sports skills. You however won, seeing as I hadn't played in 2 years... Which was the same amount of time it had been since we had last gone bowling. (I will kick your ass if you want to go again... I'm less rusty now.) "

That's all I have so far... It's about 2 solid pages of writing in the book. I'm planning to finish it this week... actually I have to... School's starting again... Urgh... 

Dear God I'm Busy...

So, I haven't had much down time, I've been working like crazy. However, I apparently have had enough time for Arts and Crafts... So here's my latest bunch of things I've done...

For Bruce, Just because.

For my Grandma, for her birthday.

For Bruce's Brother and Sister-in-law,
to commemorate the christening of their children.

For my family.

For Bruce's mother, as decor for her bedroom...
I did two of this one, identical mirror images.

 So, apparently I enjoy melting Crayons... A bunch. Because this is how I de-stress... I do arts and crafts... Plus, right now at Meijer you can get 24 packs of crayons for 50 cents. And you can buy packs of canvases in bulk at Michaels for 20 bucks... Which is awesome. And will be a major reason I'm out of money. Because, Impulse Control, I Do Not Has It.

Costume Pieces- Halloween is a bit early this year...

Last post I mentioned that I was making my Halloween costume, and as it would happen, Bruce decided that we should do a couples costume. And since I'm already making mine he suggested he be the Mad Hatter. So, I'm making a costume for him too. I've already gotten a few pieces of his costume done.

Hat!!!

I made buttons for his cuffs.

Hat Pins!

  And a few of mine as well.

Bracelet. I started with the chain link one,
but then I found the bangle on clearance at Jo-Ann Fabrics
(Another wallet killer for me)
So now I'm transferring all the charms to the bangle.

Pendant for my necklace, which i still have to paint, and add a handle to.

However none of the super important stuff... Like the actual outfits... urgh... Oh, well I kinda have the corset for my costume... Still in the works though.

Looks a bit crap right now, but I'm working on it!!

 However I do have colorings of Bruce's costume. :P

Vest

Jacket... I'm worried about the color scheme...
Does it look too Mardi Gras?
Should I go for a more Avocado Green?

Did I mention that Bruce wants his costume without sleeves? But he does want cuffs... So he's going to be the Mad Hatter were the Mad Hatter a male stripper. *facepalm* Oh well... I guess if I'm going to go for a kind of Pin-up look he can look like a stripper. Lol.


 So, this is where I am at. What'cha think?

My Own Wonderland... This post has a lot of pictures.... And has been divided into multiple posts.

 I'm making an Alice costume for Halloween. I'm basing it on the Alice costume in the Mad T Party stage show at Disneyland. I know it's only June, but when you're making a costume it's best to get a head start.  Here's a picture of the costume I'm basing my own off of:

I'm going to try to emulate the one on the right...
In case you weren't sure.

Anyhow, my love of Alice is nothing new, and it actually started a long time ago. Ever since I was little I've LOVED Alice In Wonderland. I was actually Alice for Halloween one year. There should be pictures around here somewhere... AHA!!! Here we go.

Day of Halloween when I was about 3... 
Obviously not time for Trick or Treats yet.

My mom and I ... Almost time for Trick or Treats.

And I mean LOVE... I made my family watch the Disney cartoon at least 3-4 times per week. And I would act out parts of it, while the movie was playing.

"Don't... Step... On... The... Momeraths...
The Momeraths?!?"

This phrase would become the hallmark of my growing up years.
If only I had realized it sooner. :P

Anyhow, my love affair with Alice in Wonderland wasn't limited to the movie.


I've always loved the Mad Hatter's Teacups at Walt Disney World. (My mom used to work for Disney, and absolutely adores everything about Disney, and as such, I've been indoctrinated in Disney culture, and have been to all the Disney parks... Except for the one in China... But that'll get checked off some day.)

Disneyworld Teacup Ride.

When I was almost 5 I got to go to Disneyland for the first time.I had only ever been to Disneyworld before, so it was a new experience, and clearly I was determined to have fun.

My Daddy and I in Minnie's house in Toontown.
Just look at that face.
This is actually probably my favorite picture of me as a kid.

They have Spinning Teacups there too!

Disneyland's Teacups.

They also have a ride!!! :D

Alice In Wonderland: Ride Edition!

This pic is from 1958. The Alice in Wonderland ride
is at the bottom of the picture, you can see part of the track.

 And then when I was 6, we went to Paris Disneyland. They were celebrating their 5th anniversary. The castle was made up like a giant court jester. I loved it.

Well, many jesters really...

 And they had a Teacups ride there too!!!!

Paris Disneyland's Teacups

 However the coolest thing about Paris Disneyland for 6 year old me was the fact that there was an entire area in Fantasyland dedicated to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

A model of the Alice section of Paris Disneyland.

The Castle of the Queen of Hearts

It's like you're in the Wonderland Forest!!!

And there's a Hedge Maze!!!!

 The hedge maze was really cool, and seemed absolutely gigantic. But I was like 4 feet tall, so, everything was huge. But it was still probably one of the coolest experiences of my life. There were characters hidden in the maze, so it was like a giant look and find. I don't remember much of the rest of the park. But I definitely have memories of the hedge maze. 

Some years went by and I visited Walt Disney World many more times.

Back when regular people were allowed to ride in the front of the monorails.

Miss Piggy and Moi!

My mom and I with Phil.

I'm a Cheetah! Rawr!
I think this was from our trip to Disneyworld
shortly after Animal Kingdom opened.

 And every time I rode the teacups. Sometimes by myself, because the spinning made my parents sick, and I refuse to go on unless I can spin. The teacups are by no means my favorite ride, but they are special to me because they are from the Alice in Wonderland story. That and I like to spin until I can't walk a straight line to save my life. (Not that I can walk a straight line when I'm not dizzy as hell, it's just funnier when I am.)


 Coming up: Part Two of My Own Wonderland

In which I explore the years 11-20. (Spoiler Alert: I go to Tokyo Disney.)

Phrases That Confuse Me

People say the English language is the hardest language to learn, and I can believe that. I mean there are people who grow up speaking English that do so improperly. ( Bruce says I'm a Grammar Nazi, but what does he know? :P )

However there are some English phrases that we use that confuse the hell out of me...

For Example:
"Fat Chance" means the same thing as "Slim Chance" WHY?? Fat and Slim are opposites, and yet by throwing the word "chance" behind them they now take on the same meaning... Unless Chance is a person... In which case, I apologize to the Chances in question.

A meal that "Sticks To Your Ribs"... Why do I want to eat something that completely bypasses my digestive system? And HOW DOES IT DO THAT!?!?!?!?



There are many more, but I am tired, and have to get up in 5 hours to work for 14 hours... Yay?

It Has Been A Busy Busy Week...

A Busy Busy Busy Week. Between working (AM care for a quadriplegic on the weekend,babysitting for 6-8 hours at a time, and then tutoring) , and tearing apart my closet, putting in shelving, and then putting it back together, I have had very little time to do much of anything. I've managed to spend a bit of time with Bruce, and I took Emmy to breakfast on her birthday.  Other than that I have been searching for various other jobs to fulfill the 40 hours/week requirement my parents have set for me, in order for me not to have a ridiculous curfew. And honestly the closet has taken a majority of my time.

Here are some photos of my closet after the renovation.... Trust me, you DO NOT want to see before pictures. (There are none, because honestly, I didn't want to see them either.)

Oooooh!!! Empty Shelves!!!
Empty Racks.... Pretty much just empty.

Clothes!  A cutting mat, and a box of polyfil...
I'm 22 going on 93...
(And yes, that is a Build-A-Bear box on my shelf.) 

More clothes!!! Would you believe I got rid of 1/6th
of my clothes and this is what I have left?
I clearly have too many clothes.

The colorful bins are from Five Below.
The ones that look like wicker are from Jo-Ann Fabrics.

Tah-Dah!!! Organized. Now if only I can keep it that way!

I've made things!!!

 ^Bunny For Bruce's Newborn Nephew

 

 Hippo I made for me! Her name is Paisley.

 

She's so Pretty! And she weighs about 7.5 pounds.... Biggest stuffed animal I've ever made. :D Anyhow, I have to go finish some stuff so I can have an actual post for tomorrow... maybe...